Hedwig Slightly Unhinged
by Temporal Knight
Summary: Hedwig is a very smart owl; none would dare deny that! So what is a very smart owl to do when she finds her human's living conditions unsatisfactory? Finding a new home is top of the list. Finding a mate for him is right after it. After all how is an owl supposed to justify having owlets if her human hasn't had children of his own yet? Very much a humor fic, no bashing of anyone.


AN: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did I would be rich, be a woman, and Hermione would not have ended up with Ron.

This story came about some time ago when one of my reviews on 'Rune Stone Path' set my mind thinking in weird directions. That spawned a mini-oneshot collected in the 'What If' section. I've wanted to come back to it for a while, but haven't had the time. Recently I sat down and ended up redoing it and adding quite a lot to the original idea. I still might come back to this in the future and increase/expand a bit in some areas however for the moment I am _much_ happier with it! There is no bashing in this story and the fic is mostly centered around Hedwig's antics as well as some tidbits about Harry and his Coven reacting to events.

For those familiar with 'Rune Stone Path', imagine that Shiva as slightly more rebel and that's her character here. For those unfamiliar, Shiva is my version of Professor Bathsheda Babbling (so named because she blew things up in her youth and the magicals didn't realize that the Hindu God of Destruction was male not female) and she is somewhere between 18-19 years old at the start of the story, just barely out of Hogwarts herself. Aurora Sinistra and Septima Vector have been aged down as well and were all in the same year group as Shiva.

This story has been a _hell_ of a lot of fun to write so I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! Please review if you feel the urge!

* * *

 **Hedwig Slightly Unhinged**

 **August 1991**

Hedwig was watching her human eat his ice cream as he sat in front of the shop. The large hairy one had gone inside to speak with someone familiar and left her and her human alone on the front porch. She liked her human. He was kind and talked to her like she could understand him. No human had done that before and she responded in kind. She was a smart owl. If her human was going to treat her with respect and kindness then she would do the same in return.

And he'd promised her bacon when they returned to his nest.

Hedwig was therefore very annoyed by the pushy group of individuals who came prancing up to her human. Harry seemed rather overwhelmed by the group and she considered flying into the middle of them but they started to separate themselves out slightly. The big one in the middle stepped to the front and held out her hand for Harry to shake. She then gave him a piece of paper. Hedwig certainly wasn't able to read human notes – nothing beyond addresses at least. But she understood Betrothal. Her human didn't seem to recognize that word however.

Harry leaned over to the two red-headed children seated on the table next to him and Hedwig heard him ask, "Excuse me, do you know what a Betrothal Contract means?"

The first red-head turned to his double and muttered something. They both then turned back to her human grinning. Hedwig didn't like that grin at all. "Sure, we know. Betrothal is just a fancy way of saying that you'll be friends for life."

"Oh," Harry considered that and nodded. "Thanks. I wasn't sure whether to trust them or not. But I've never really had friends before so…sure why not." Hedwig barked in protest. Her human was not going to be stuck with this woman or her group. Not if the owl had anything to say about it! She took flight from her perch and tried to get to Harry before he could do anything he'd regret. Harry had already grabbed the quill from the woman and signed his part of the form before Hedwig managed to get to him. She barked again and beat her wings at the humans surrounding her Harry. Clacking her tongue at them and snapping her beak she pushed them back far enough that she could guard the paper. "Hedwig, stop!"

Hagrid returned from inside the store to the scene of the commotion and promptly started yelling at the group of women for accosting Harry. Hedwig barked her approval at the large man and turned to affectionately nip at her human's fingers. Harry sighed and petted her. "Why did you do that, girl? I was looking forward to having friends." Hedwig barked at him and lightly nipped his fingers. The misunderstanding was unfortunate, but unavoidable until he learned to understand her. If it cost her bacon in the meantime though…

Hedwig turned to glare at the giggling red-headed twins. She took off and gave them each a token of her affection while Harry slipped the paper with just the one signature into his bag.

* * *

Hedwig had only been at the Dursley nest for a few hours before she knew it had to go. This was not an appropriate place her human to reside. Besides being yelled at and threatened her human was not fed enough and was not allowed out to fly.

If Harry could not eat enough how was he supposed to feed her bacon?

The large hairy man obviously had not been intelligent enough to do anything to remove Harry from this nest so the duty fell to Hedwig. She had been to Hogwarts before during her training and knew that he would be going there shortly. Hedwig started to consider her options. Harry had a partially signed Betrothal Contract already. With the appropriate second party…he would be leaving the Dursley nest before the year was up!

Now the question came down to whom. Whom would Hedwig get to sign? She'd have to avoid the students. They might have nests of their own, but there were too many humans who could interfere if she did that. Harry might have to stay in this nest for too long while they fought amongst themselves. One of the teachers perhaps? It _had_ been quite some time since Hedwig had last been to Hogwarts, but at that time many of the female teachers had been far too old for her human. It was still an effective option, but if she was deciding on a betrothal for her human she wanted him to be happy with her decision.

Hogwarts teachers would be the second option then. First she'd investigate potential female mates on the street. So when Harry let her out that night, Hedwig flew around inspecting the options. None appealed. All of the adults present were far more interested in gossip or insulting her human behind their doors. The Dursley nest deserved the insults; Harry did not. Hedwig slowly expanded her search over nearly a week and eventually decided that there no suitable mates for her human in the vicinity. Even the younger ones always seemed to have something preventing her from accepting them as her Harry's mate.

The next week saw Hedwig flying to Hogwarts several times and observing the staff as they prepared for the new school year. Surprisingly Hedwig found not one but three younger teachers relatively close to her human's age. Certainly there would be some differences…but it wasn't insurmountable.

Hedwig watched her three targets carefully over several days. They were nearly always together as a triad. They ate meals together, they worked on preparations in the same room, they went to Hogsmeade together and they slept in the same bed together. They were a package it seemed. That wasn't necessarily bad…it might even be preferable in the long run as it would give her human a greater chance for young. More young would mean more humans who would reward her for a single task. More young was more efficient.

The darker skinned one preferred to watch the stars before writing on her papers. She seemed to have a slightly different sleep cycle than the other two letting her stay up later into the evening. That could be useful, Hedwig had learned to be awake when required during the evenings to better meet her human's delivery and owl communication needs; having another to communicate with at such times would be fortunate. The one with glasses loved numbers – or at least Hedwig assumed she loved numbers as Glasses was always scribbling some math form or another on nearby surfaces greatly amusing the other two females. Then there was the one that liked to play with tiny stones. Hedwig liked stones so this female obviously had her head in the right place. The stone usually had some form of drawing carved into them, but Hedwig wasn't particular – as long as the stones were smooth and small, the Spunky Stone Player was in the right. This human was spunky and headstrong too as she seemed to lead the others. Her manner of dress leant evidence to her being feisty and rebellious. Rebellious was excellent. Rebellious would see her leaping to rescue her new betrothed from his horrific Dursley nest.

She would do well as a mate for Harry.

The next night, Hedwig carefully pulled the Betrothal Contract free from Harry's bag and took wing towards Hogwarts. She waited until it was late and the Spunky Stone Player was distracted with signing requisition papers while the other two females had stepped out. Hedwig carefully winged a stone to the far corner in order to draw the mate's attention and when the woman left to investigate Hedwig made her move. She laid the Betrothal Contract onto the top of the pile of papers and dragged another form on top to cover everything but the signature location. Hedwig then took flight again and hopped out the window to watch her human get a new mate.

The Spunky Stone Player came back from her investigation rubbing a hand across her face. "I've got to stop staying up so late finishing these stupid forms. One day I'll learn not to leave it all till the last minute. Now I'm hearing things too." Sitting down the woman picked up her quill and signed the Betrothal Contract. A flash of magic engulfed her and the woman squeaked in surprise. Hedwig barked in happiness at her success and left to return to her human.

Now she just needed the Spunky Stone Player to investigate the Dursley nest and Harry would be free.

* * *

" _What the bloody hell?!_ " Bathsheda Babbling's shout rang throughout nearly the entirety of Hogwarts castle. Aurora Sinistra and Septima Vector both looked up from their books, stared at each other for a minute and took off at a dead run towards their Coven leader's quarters. They arrived breathless just before Minerva and Albus all pulled up.

"Shiva! What's wrong? What happened? Who died? What did you blow up? Did you blow yourself up again?" Aurora asked in a rush pushing inside. She came up short and looked on in confusion at her schoolmate.

Bathsheda, known to her friends as Shiva, was cursing at a piece of paper in front of her and trying with all her might to pull a ring off her finger. "What kind of stupid idea for a prank is this? I signed this bloody thing with a blood quill! What idiot puts a legal contract in with requisition forms?! When I find who did this I will _break_ them!"

"Bathsheda," Minerva said trying to slow her breathing and holding a hand over her heart. "Perhaps you can tell us what is going on."

Shiva looked up and scowled. She brandished the paper and tossed it across at them then proceeded to go back to trying to pull the ring from her finger without success. " _What is going on_? _That_ is what is going on, Min! Bloody hell this cannot be happening! Why won't the ring come off! This is NOT funny!"

Minerva scanned the paper and paled. She gulped and handed it to Albus while Aurora and Septima read over his shoulder. Septima finished it first and collapsed against the wall laughing. Aurora just shook her head and moved over to wrap Shiva in a hug. "There, there sweetheart, it's okay. Just calm down. There are far worse people you could've accidentally signed an unbreakable betrothal agreement with."

Dumbledore finally finished reading the contract and promptly fainted as he realized all his careful protections had just crumbled into dust with two unthinking signatures.

* * *

An insistent knock sounded on the door to Number 4 Privet Drive. Hedwig took wing to investigate, but returned inside almost immediately with a happy sounding bark and puffed up proudly. Harry thought the owl looked mightily pleased with herself for some reason. He had been able to sneak her a single piece of bacon this morning when the Dursleys had had their backs turned...maybe that was it?

"NO! That _man_ was bad enough! I will not have more _freaks_ in my home! You can go right back where you came from!" Harry sighed as he heard Uncle Vernon's voice yelling out from downstairs. It was probably more wizards or witches. Why they had come only a little while after Hagrid had left he had no idea. He doubted he'd be allowed to see them anyway.

"I don't care if you're the Queen herself you will not AAWWKKK!" Harry turned towards the door and squinted in confusion as his uncle's angry shout turned into a bird's caw at the end. His face split into a bit of a grin as he realized Uncle Vernon had probably angered a wizard again just like he had done at the cottage!

"Harry Potter?" a kind female voice called up. Harry frowned. That wasn't Aunt Petunia. Aunt Petunia never sounded that nice. "Harry Potter? If you're up there would you mind coming down for a few minutes, please?"

He wasn't normally allowed out around company...Harry looked to Hedwig who gave a short bark and bobbed her head towards the door. Harry sighed and gave in. Giving the owl a quick pet, Harry walked downstairs.

In the living room there was a very angry purple bird locked in a cage in the corner as well as several witches and a wizard. The three younger witches were dressed in Muggle clothes (though probably a bit more colorful than the norm) and all looked like they could've just gotten home from university. If Harry wasn't far off they were barely older than Melissa, the girl from a few doors down who always babysat Dudley until about a year ago. The older witch on the other hand seemed more of the grandmother type and had on dark green robes and a very thin line for a mouth. The wizard was… _old_. His long white beard fell halfway down his star covered blue robes and the hat on his head seemed to be more of a nightcap than anything else.

"Umm, hello..." Harry murmured.

"Hello, Harry," the pretty black woman said. She sat down and patted the armchair in front of her. "Why don't you come sit down and we can talk?"

"Umm, I'm not really supposed to talk to people. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia will get mad."

The older witch nodded her solemn understanding. "That's alright, Mr. Potter. We're teachers at Hogwarts. I'm Professor Minerva McGonagall, this is Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, these three are Aurora Sinistra, Septima Vector and...Bathsheda Babbling." Harry noticed the slight hesitation she had when identifying the younger witch in the leather jacket and combat boots. The adults appeared to watch him for some sort of reaction but he didn't do anything beyond stand there with a hand on the stairs. "Well...now we all know each other, Harry. So we're not strangers anymore and you can talk to us."

"Umm," Harry fidgeted. "I'm not supposed to talk to _anyone_...but...I guess since you're wizards and witches...I guess it's okay."

As he moved to the chair the long-haired brunette with the glasses they had identified as Septima frowned at him. "What do you mean you're not supposed to talk to anyone?"

Harry shrugged. "I used to stay in my cupboard whenever people were over. It's a bit harder now to not be seen since my relatives moved me to Dudley's toy room a few weeks ago."

"Cupboard?" Minerva said, her lips pressed together into an even thinner line. She turned to glare at Dumbledore who noticeably fidgeted.

"Yeah, the cupboard under the stairs," Harry said nodding. He pointed towards the stairs with a bit of a smile. "It was small but there were some spiders in there that I talked to at least. Dudley's toy room doesn't have spiders. But it does have a window so I can let Hedwig out! And I talk to Hedwig now. She's much better at understanding me than the spiders ever were."

Aurora made a soft noise somewhere between a sigh and a moan. "Harry, I promise we'll talk about all of that later okay? First though, we have a very important question to ask you." Harry nodded. She held out his Betrothal Friend Form and his eyes widened. "Do you recognize this?"

Harry grabbed the form and clutched it to his chest. "Yeah! It's the form that's supposed to give me a friend! The woman at the ice cream shop Hagrid took me to said she'd help me and I asked the twin red-head boys nearby what Betrothal meant and they said I could get a life-long friend if I signed it so I did." He ignored the whimpered growl from Bathsheda not even noticing her glare as his eyes fell to the floor. "Hedwig started flying around though and stopped the woman from signing it too," he said quietly. "Then Hagrid chased them all off. I was looking forward to having a friend so I kept the form. It disappeared last night while I was sleeping though...thank you for finding it and bringing it back."

The adults all looked at each other with various levels of anger and concern. All except Dumbledore who was carefully studying a spot on the wall across the way and pretending he was invisible while dearly wishing that the earth would open up and swallow him whole. The women then as one turned to the purple bird form of Vernon Dursley and snarled causing the bird to quake in terror.

Fighting to calm down, Bathsheda finally stepped forward and knelt down in front of Harry. She took his hand with her own and lifted his head up with her other hand. "Harry? You signed that thing because you wanted a friend?" The boy nodded. She sighed and turned his hand over pointing to the ring he had tried to cover up with a band-aid. "And did this show up last night?"

"Please don't tell Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia," Harry said softly. "It won't come off and they'd get mad and say I stole it. I didn't steal it, I swear! It was there when I woke up! I think it was more of that...what did Hagrid call it...accidental magic!"

Bathsheda sighed. "It wasn't accidental magic, Harry. It was magic though. That ring showed up when I signed the form. It somehow found its way into a stack of papers I was signing." She looked away and scowled, muttering, "serves me right for not reading something before I sign the damn thing..."

Harry's mouth dropped open. "Are – are you going to be my friend then, Bathsheda?"

Bathsheda rolled her eyes. "Call me, Shiva, Harry. I'm not a huge fan of my full name. That thing you signed wasn't a Friend Form, kid. It was...okay, you don't know what Betrothal means obviously. I assume you understand marriage though?"

Harry snorted. "I'm not a baby. I know what marriage is."

"Well, think of betrothal as a pre-marriage. A promise that two people _will_ get married at some point in the future."

Harry opened his mouth to say something and closed it. He opened his mouth again and still failed to utter anything. On the third try he finally managed a very appropriate, "Oh. Well. Oh." His face quickly lost all color and he gulped loudly enough for the entire room to wince in sympathy.

"Yeah, that's better than her reaction was," Septima said with a chuckle. "At least you're not throwing things and cursing."

"I'm sorry!" Harry yelled. "I'm so sorry! That's not what I wanted! That's not what I thought it was! I'm so sorry!"

Minerva shook her head. "No one is blaming you, Harry. Not anymore at least. This falls squarely on other's shoulders." She pointedly glared at both Dumbledore and Shiva.

Shiva bristled and turned to McGonagall. "Hey, it's not my fault the stupid thing was in my order forms! Yeah I signed it, but shouldn't you be a bit angrier with Hagrid who apparently couldn't keep the guy's rabid fan club off him for five minutes?"

"You share at least part of the blame, Bathsheda." Shiva scowled but ended up nodding after a moment. Minerva turned back to Harry. "Harry, the important thing is where we go from here."

Harry tried to vanish into the couch. "Can we just tear it up? I'm really, really sorry."

Aurora shook her head and gave him a soft smile. "Sorry, little one, it's not that easy. Whoever wrote that was _very_ good and _very_ careful. The only way to break it for one or both of you to die. So you're pretty much stuck together now."

"But – but – but – I'm only 11! I can't be married at 11!" Harry yelled with wide eyes and clenched fists.

Shiva snorted. "Hey I'm 19. I wasn't exactly planning to get married right now either, Harry. And technically we're not married yet. That will only happen once you hit the Age of Majority which for us is 17. So you've got six years to get used to the idea. I would recommend not dating anyone though. I already have a Coven and the three of us would prefer not to add any _more_ in."

Septima nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah. Three is magically powerful. We can do tons with just three witches. If we add another it would shoot down half the best rituals we have! If we're going to add one then we'd have to go the full shebang and get up to seven in the coven. That'd be a bit overwhelming."

"So no serious dating," Shiva said. "We should also figure out your living conditions. Sep go take a look at his room. Sin, check out the cupboard."

The two other witches nodded and moved off while Shiva sat on the couch and leant back. McGonagall shifted a bit and said, "Harry, if you wish to tell people about this…situation, you are of course allowed. However, it might be smarter to keep it a secret until you're a bit older. And it should go without saying that absolutely nothing untoward should occur in the castle!" Dumbledore fidgeted a bit besides her and Minerva stopped to glare at him.

Harry rolled his eyes. Holding hands with a 19 year old professor would be weird anyway. Why would he _want_ to do that where other people could see? He was enough of a freak as it was.

Before Minerva could say anything else, a shout of surprise exploded into the sitting room. "Shiva! Sep! Min! Get your arses over here!" Aurora was practically spitting in rage as the group hurried towards her. Harry winced as he saw she was pointing at the open cupboard. "Look!"

Shiva and Minerva stepped forward to peer into the little space under the stairs. Minerva gasped in shock and stumbled back while Shiva simply scowled and slammed a fist into the wall. She slowly controlled her breathing and straightened up, turning towards Harry. "Harry, you slept in there?" He nodded. "For how long?"

"Um…until about two and a half weeks ago?"

"Two _weeks_ ago?" Shiva said. Her voice was very low and there was an undercurrent of rage through it that Harry only tended to hear from his uncle. Normally that would have frightened him, but it was clear from the direction of the woman's eyes just where her anger was actually aimed.

Minerva's lip twitched. "Bathsheda as his betrothed I expect you take responsibility for Mr. Potter. He can stay in the flat you three share during holidays and whatever House he is sorted to while in school. I'm going to inform the DMLE and ensure that the Muggle authorities are brought into the loop. You have 30 minutes. Please ensure that the members of this household remain alive by the time the Aurors arrive." She turned to Dumbledore who appeared frozen looking at the cupboard with wide eyes. Minerva grabbed his beard and started dragging him outside. "Come, Albus! We need to have a _long_ talk about the responsibilities of accepting guardianship of a child!"

Harry turned to the three remaining witches as the door to Number 4 slammed shut. "Err…"

The three looked at each other and sighed before wrapping him into a hug. "Harry," one of them said, "just so you know, you have friends now. That contract may not have been what you thought or really what anyone wants, but I promise, you have friends now at least."

* * *

Hedwig listened in to the conversations going on downstairs from her perch and puffed up even further. The Spunky Stone Player had inspected the Dursley nest and found it wanting. Just as Hedwig had planned. The addition of the other two human females' righteous aggravation was somewhat unexpected, but she wasn't complaining. It only served to prove that her human was the best. Hedwig had obviously chosen her familiar well if Harry could mate with all three human females with no protests arising!

She didn't quite think her human realized that fact yet, but…well it was only a matter of time. And if he took too long…she could always push the issue. Her interference with the Betrothal paper had worked out so nicely after all! Hedwig gave a short bark of happiness before taking wing and landing on the back of the couch.

While the females discussed just what they wanted to do with the Dursley humans and who would be taking Harry back to their flat Hedwig was…otherwise preoccupied. She clacked her tongue in amusement. That purple bird squawked in fear as Hedwig eyed it. Yes, yes. Be afraid, Vernon Bird. Be _very_ afraid. Hedwig clacked her tongue again and took to the air.

* * *

 **July 1993**

"Shiva! Sep! Sin! Breakfast is ready!" Harry yelled towards the girls' bedroom as he slid the last pancake out of the pan and onto the plate. Whistling merrily, he brought the plate over to the table and set it down just as a yawning Septima walked out of her room stretching. Her elbow jostled her glasses and she sleepily rearranged them as she slid into the seat.

"Thanks, Harry. Sin is the shower so she should be out in a few minutes. I think Hedwig was waking Shiva."

Harry and Septima both paused at that declaration and looked to each other with a grimace. "Ouch," Harry said shaking his head. "Let's pray for her survival."

"That bird was rather annoyed with us all for letting you go down into the Chamber…Not like we could bloody _do_ anything about it when Flophart kidnapped you…stupid bird…" Septima muttered as she stabbed her pancake. The first bite saw any hint of a frown dissolve though as her face fell into a beautiful euphoria. "How do you _do_ this? It's like you crystallize Heaven and force it into food form!"

"Thanks," Harry said blushing and rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm just glad you all enjoy it. And don't be too harsh with Hedwig. She was just worried."

" _Arg_! Get off me you crazy ball of fluff!" a shout resounded from the bedroom and Harry and Septima shared a snort of laughter.

"Sounds like Shiva is up," Harry said. Septima winked back at him. An instant later a blur of white flew out of the bedroom and alighted onto Harry's shoulder. He smiled up at his owl and handed her a piece of bacon. "Thanks for waking her up, Hedwig. Did you have a pleasant night?" A bob of her head answered his question and Hedwig claimed another piece of bacon before heading off out the window to continue her routine.

The door slammed and a grumbling Shiva sat down next to him grabbing for her fork. "Ruddy owl scared the daylights out of me. I swear she plays it up intentionally." Again, just like Septima Shiva's face melted into awe as she bit into her breakfast. "Every time I eat your cooking Harry I thank Merlin and Morgana that I signed that bloody contract."

Harry laughed patted her knee. "I suppose I can deal with being a prize trophy chef house-husband. At least cooking is fun!"

"Glad you enjoy it, Harry," Shiva said with a sigh as she had another bite. "Because even if we weren't betrothed I'd totally seduce you just to eat this stuff every day. Anyone who tries to get between this Coven and our fantastical cook is getting a knife in the back."

"You are definitely a prize trophy chef," Septima agreed with a sage nod. "You stay home and make this glorious food. We'll go out and bring home the money."

"The bacon. Bring home the bacon," Harry said winking at her.

Shiva shook her head and snorted. "Nope. That word is outlawed for a week or so. Hedwig deserves some punishment over last night and this morning. If you want to make it fine, but nobody gets to _say_ it and summon the monstrosity back."

"Eh hem," a soft voice cut into the conversation. Three heads turned with raised eyebrows towards a towel-clad Aurora standing in the doorway to the bedroom. "You should be careful who you call a monster. And _when_ you call her that." The astronomy professor chuckled and raised a delicate finger towards the window. Harry could only laugh as he watched Shiva turn slowly to the rectangle of light and wince.

"Hedwig…I can explain…"

A loud bark cut off Shiva's attempt at an apology for her joke and the other room's occupants burst into laughter as Shiva ran for cover, the annoyed owl in hot pursuit.

* * *

"Draco? Draco, are you drinking _firewhiskey_?" Pansy Parkinson asked gaping at her friend. She had stopped by to visit him over the summer hols and could only stare in dismay as he was splayed out over the table in his kitchen with a bottle in one hand and tear tracks down his face. "Draco! What happened?! Did…did something happen to your parents? I would've thought my father would've heard and told me…"

"What? *Hic.* No, no mother and father are fine. They're on a trip so I have free reign and I just thought it was a perfect opportunity to see if I could…forget…" Draco trailed off as he sobbed and hiccupped and sobbed some more. "It's _not working_!"

Pansy blinked and snapped her mouth closed. Draco Malfoy was many things, but a lush at thirteen was not one of them. Slowly she pulled over a nearby chair and sat down next to him grabbing the bottle gently from his hand. "What do you need to forget, Draco?"

"That I'm married to bloody _Lockhart_ , that's what!" Draco shouted at her pawing for the bottle. Pansy tried to form words; she really did. Eventually she gave up any attempt at verbal communication and just settled on staring at him with an open mouth.

Draco thankfully seemed to take the hint. "You can't tell *hic* _anyone_ , Pansy! I…I swore Babbling to secrecy too…*hic*. It's _not fair_! Potter has a bloody harem of three beautiful _professors_ , I just wanted _one_! He could've parted with _one_!"

"…What?"

"Stupid bloody Potter…*hic*…Stupid bloody Unbreakable Marriage Contract…*hic*…Stupid Lockhart…bloody arsehole just _signed_ the paper when I wanted him to help me _review and fix_ it! Signed it like it was a _bloody autograph_! It's not fair…It's just not fair…" Draco sobbed again and gave up his quest for the bottle opting instead to face-plant into the table and cry harder. "I know it happened in April, but I thought alcohol was supposed to make you forget bad things! It's _not working_!"

"… _WHAT?!_ "

* * *

 **May 1994**

"Harry," Sirius asked blinking in confusion. His mouth was gaping open and his eyes were wide. The expression was mirrored on everyone else's faces as well. "Did your owl just _dive-bomb_ a _Dementor_?"

"Hedwig is awesome," Harry responded simply with an enthusiastic nod. "She's also very protective of me."

"Oh look, I think she killed that one," Aurora stated, her voice completely devoid of emotion as one particular Dementor fell from the sky, a black gush of ichor spraying from the hood of its cloak. "I didn't know you could kill Dementors."

Harry shrugged and reached over beside him to squeeze her shoulder. "Must be the basilisk venom, Sin."

"Oh. Yes, that must be it. What basilisk venom?" Aurora asked a desperate note creeping into her voice.

Shiva groaned and wiped a hand down her face as she gently reached for Harry's left arm and ran her fingertips over his scar there. "Harry, did you forget to tell us that Hedwig killed the basilisk last year?"

"An _owl_ killed a basilisk?" Amelia Bones asked her jaw dropping. Her wand that had previously been trained on Sirius had long since fallen to hang by her side in shock.

Harry however shook his head. "Oh no, don't worry, Shiva. I killed the basilisk with the Sword. Hedwig just killed Memorymort. She hitched a ride with Fawkes and while he healed my arm she dipped her talons into a pool of the venom near one of the snake's teeth and then drove them into the diary. She wasn't too happy with the ink spurts as it died, but I got her cleaned up before we came back out to you guys."

"She killed another one," Septima stated unable to tear her eyes away from the aerial slaughter. "Are they _running away_?"

"They are, fuck me, they are," Shiva said with a whistle. "Your owl just chased off a hundred Dementors, Harry…"

Harry nodded and grinned wide. "She definitely gets a special meal this morning. I knew that trip to Gringotts to get her talons tipped in Goblin silver was the right idea!"

"Amelia, I think I'm going to have to recant my professed innocence seeing as how you're not really here. I must still be in my cell in Azkaban and having a _grand_ old delusion. It's the only explanation that makes a lick of sense at the moment," Sirius said shaking his head.

"She's coming back…" Amelia stated. The shiver of terror that ran down her spine at the white horror was more primal than anything she'd felt in all her years as an Auror. "Right, Potter, Babbling, you promise to keep that…owl away from me and my niece and I'll make sure Fudge fixes the situation with Mr. Black."

"Deal," Shiva, Septima and Auror all stated immediately. Harry just held up his arm and grinned at Hedwig as she glided to a stop upon him.

"Who's a good bird? You are! That was awesome, Hedwig! Triple portions for you today!"

* * *

 **September 1994**

Hedwig had watched for three years as her human had steadfastly refused to mate with his three females. It was growing to annoy Hedwig immensely. How was she supposed to be allowed to have her own fledglings to give to his children if he wasn't going to _have_ children? And that owl that lived nearby the Coven nest was rather appealing! Harry needed to hurry things along!

It had taken him quite some time to realize that the three females were involved with each other. Long enough in fact that Hedwig had initially begun to suspect the Dursley nest had done permanent damage to Harry's reasoning ability. He had eventually reached the appropriate conclusion however so her faith in him had been restored. That the revelation had _not_ brought Hedwig the expected extra helpings of bacon had put her in a foul mood that day. Harry had seemed rather clueless as to why she had been forced to punish him but that was not her problem. If her human couldn't understand the boon that Hedwig had granted him by getting him three suitable mates for the price of one, then that was his own fault.

At least she had managed to stop the Bearded One from interfering in anything as the years progressed. A few choice visits to his office and some careful negotiations with the Flaming Bird had been all it took. It probably helped that the old human had been rather afraid of Harry's mates and the Stern One after the Dursley nest was abandoned. She wouldn't let them know how much she appreciated the help though. An owl worked her magic alone after all.

Hedwig puffed up in happiness as Harry gently stroked her feathers. He had been looking forward to this school year as he assumed it would be quieter than his previous three. Hedwig knew differently. The immortality stone from first year was safely tucked away in the Spunky Stone Player's closet. (Hedwig had _certainly_ not stolen it from the Bearded One's desk prior to its destruction. That would have been foolish and _certainly_ beneath an owl of her brilliance.) The basilisk tooth that had had the audacity to pierce her human in his second year and the sword that had helped him to survive the beast were locked in the Night Viewer's carrying case. (Hedwig had _definitely_ not removed that from the Bearded One's office either.) With the help of her human and his mates, she'd been able to distract Bowler Hat Human long enough to clear the Godfather last year. (Sadly Hedwig had no _real_ trophies from that as the rat had succeeded in escaping. A shame; she had been looking forward to adding the tail to her collection. The consolation prize of the Black Soul Stealer's Cloak for Glasses had been a poor presentation gift. It completely disagreed with the female's fashion image.)

But this year…this year, Hedwig was going to force Harry to mate. She knew exactly how to best go about it too. He had told her about the Goblet of Fire and how it would choose aged humans to compete on Halloween. And of how it enforced a binding Contract on those that entered. Hedwig barked in joy. The last Contract had certainly ended up helping her human. This would help Harry even more!

* * *

 **October 31** **st** **, 1994**

Hedwig waited until the castle had gone to sleep before she enacted her plan. After it was quiet throughout the halls, it had been disturbingly simple to tear off a bit of parchment from one of his essays' headers fly it over the Goblet to drop it in. Giving a satisfied "prewk" Hedwig returned to her roost greatly looking forward to her human's praise and the extra bacon she would eventually receive.

* * *

"Harry," Shiva asked exasperatedly as the young man in question sat down on the couch in her quarters, "how the bloody hell did this happen? I thought we had warded the bloody thing so that no one under 17 could touch it, throw something at it, spell it, summon it or even talk to it. How the bloody hell did you get your name coming out?!"

"Don't look at me," he said annoyed holding up his hands. "I'm still underage here. We both know there's no way those things would've let me through."

She glared at him. "Well it was either you, me or Hedwig because the wards wouldn't have accepted your name from anyone else. And I certainly didn't do it which just leaves you or…"

The two turned to look at the window outside suddenly rather thankful that the snowy owl wasn't around. Twisting back to each other Harry muttered, "I swear that bird scares me sometimes…"

Shiva snorted. "You? You should've seen Sin when the owl came in with the Sword of Gryffindor clutched in her beak and a basilisk fang in her claws! Practically gave our girl a heart attack!"

"Ugh, don't remind me. I still can't believe she gave you the Philosopher's Stone," Harry muttered wiping his forehead. "I do wonder though whether she wanted it for the four of us or for herself."

"Let's not speculate on what goes through that bird's mind," Shiva sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. "You do realize that as of this afternoon you're officially an adult now yeah?"

Harry swore under his breath. He sighed and leaned his head over to rest it on Shiva's. "Bloody hell. Stupid bird. Well congratulations, Mrs. Potter. Excuse me for putting off the honeymoon for a few months but I apparently have a deadly Tournament to compete in at the moment."

"We'll go over the contract on Monday."

"Why Monday? It's Friday. We can go over the thing tonight or tomorrow morning. Hell, Hermione probably already has the rule book spread out in the Common Room."

Shiva pulled back and eyed him. "Harry, you're a legal adult. The Betrothal Contract just got upgraded to a Marriage Contract."

"No! Really?!" he mocked, rolling his eyes as he waved her comment off. "Shiva, we've read that thing enough times I have it memorized."

She snorted. "Alright then, Section B, paragraph 2 subsection a."

" 'Upon reaching the status of adulthood this contract shall become a Marriage Contract. Within the night, the two parties are required…to…' " Harry trailed off groaning and slapped a hand to his forehead. "Oh. Right."

"Hence why we're waiting to review the contract for the Triwizard Tournament till Monday," she patted his knee and smirked. "Since I'm the official wife, I have tonight. Sin gets tomorrow morning until noon and Sep gets tomorrow afternoon until 8. We all share Sunday. I grabbed stamina and nutrient potions on my way up and if we need any more we can always ask a house elf. You have the next few nights off from cooking detail."

"McGonagall is going to kill us," Harry said through his hand.

"Not my problem. It's in the contract and we're in the privacy of my rooms." She stood and sauntered towards the bedroom. "Come on loverboy. I've had to make do with only witches for the past three years! Move your arse!"

* * *

"Hey you two! Fred, George, wait up!" Harry called to the Weasley twins as he saw them passing in the corridor Monday afternoon.

"Harry? You want something?" the twins asked nervously. They had been very careful to avoid Harry unless he sought them out first. After the Coven had found out it was them who had inadvertently convinced him to sign the Betrothal Contract, they'd found Hogwarts a lot scarier a place. Angry girls were one thing and easy enough to avoid. Angry girl _professors_ on the other hand was a far more serious problem.

Laughing, Harry leant forward and hugged both of them. "You guys are the best! Seriously, I really mean that. From now on, you need something – anything – you come talk to me! I got your backs!"

The twins stared at each other and then at Harry completely lost. "Ugh, sure," George said scratching his head.

Fred peered at the fourth year. "And what pray tell has brought this on, Harry?"

Harry just grinned and leaned in to whisper, "Let's just say I know why people around here love broom closets so much now." Their eyes widened. "Three women for the price of one? Best. Contract. Ever." He pulled back laughing and walked away whistling.

The twins shook their heads and looked at each other. "Only Harry Potter…"

* * *

 **November 1994**

The First Task certainly seemed frightening enough on paper. He was supposed to outmaneuver a fully grown dragon? Really? What idiot had come up with _that_ idea?

To be honest though, Harry wasn't worried. Not one bit. He'd gotten a lot more confident in the past few years. Heck the scared little kid he'd been when he first met the Coven probably would've wet himself. That scared little kid though didn't have a near encyclopedic knowledge of contracts nor the ability to find the tiniest loopholes in them. Shiva and Harry had gone over their own enough in the first year and a half to be able to pick apart the language they were written in almost better than the solicitors who wrote them to begin with.

That knowledge was about to serve him very well indeed. Fight a dragon? Yeah right!

(That scared little boy also had not had a disturbingly intelligent and protective owl…)

The whistle blew signifying it was Harry's turn to start. He stepped into the arena and glanced around the surrounding stands. Finding his wife and Coven members, Harry waved. Sep screamed out her support while Sin just waved back. Harry could feel the eye roll from where he stood. Shiva didn't make any gesture beyond leaning back and kicking her feet up to rest on the chair in front of her. Hedwig puffed up her feathers from her perch on Shiva's shoulder and made a show of sticking her head under her wing.

Harry gave a snort of amusement at the antics of the girls and turned back to the dragon. He gave it a mild salute and when it puffed a jet of hot air towards him in acknowledgement, Harry smiled. He drew his wand and conjured a beach chair and a small side table. Setting his watch for an hour Harry summoned some ingredients that Dobby had left on the field nearby and made himself a Mai Tai. Letting out a sigh of enjoyment, Harry transfigured his clothes into shorts and a t-shirt before giving himself a wide-brimmed, straw hat and leaning back in the chair to sip his drink.

"What's this? Why that's not a potion at all! It appears Mr. Potter is just going to… _sit_ there!" Harry chuckled at Bagman's incredulous exclamation. Oh _course_ he was just going to sit there. The Triwizard Tournament contract only stated that he had to _attempt_ the Task. It never said _how hard_ he had to attempt it.

There was no way he was fighting a dragon. He had three energetic and sex-deprived witches to satisfy now. He may be a teenager, but he was still only one man. He certainly was not going to spare the energy to fight a mature dragon!

Besides…Hedwig would kill him if he got hurt in a pointless fight.

* * *

 **June 1995**

Harry stepped into the hedge maze of the Third Task nearly 10 minutes after the other three had entered. To the surprise of no one, he immediately conjured his chair mixed his drink and started to relax. Barty Crouch Jr. had long since given up trying to get Harry Potter to win. He instead targeted the half-breed. If the Veela girl's blood was used…why his Master might even get the ability to enthrall others!

Junior needn't have bothered as Fleur made it to the Triwizard Cup with little difficulty. As the portkey whirled her away to land in the graveyard, she stumbled and barely managed to catch herself from falling to the decidedly uneven ground. She'd just managed to regain her footing when a deep, wheezing voice rang out from nearby, "Stun the girl. We must to start immediately!"

Fleur's eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared. A trap. Of course it was a trap. Harry and his friends had mentioned multiple times that someone was likely trying to kill him so _of course_ the final task would have a failsafe to ensure he died. Well…whoever reached the Cup first at least since Harry had never really participated…The specifics were unimportant, what _was_ important was that Fleur Delacour was not going to be taken alive!

Fleur dodged the incoming stunner and sent back a flurry of spells. A satisfying grunt and two muffled crashes confirmed that at least two targets were down. Waiting a few moments more, Fleur snorted in disbelief. "What idiots plan a trap with just two people? Zat barely even lasted a single exchange. Zis is _embarrassing_."

She slowly stood staying wary as she approached her ambushers. Pushing the corpulent one onto his back she frowned as she recognized Peter Pettigrew from the papers a few months back. If there had been any doubt in citizens' minds about the innocence of Sirius Black it would be destroyed when Fleur returned with this man. Casting her eyes further afield, Fleur scrambled back and screamed upon seeing the other… _thing_. It was…some sort of homunculus. A horribly deformed homunculus.

It stirred and raised its bulbous head. "Bow before…Lord Voldemort and…I shall let you live, creature."

Fleur had lifted her arm before the thing could even finish talking. A ball of fire burst into existence over her hand and she immediately launched it at the horrid little thing. Screams reverberated through the air as the thing thrashed under her flames. Even if it could do wandless magic or heal it wouldn't make any difference in the end. Veela passionfyre was the basis for fiendfyre after all. The primary difference being that fiendfyre consumed everything nearby while passionfyre burned only what the Veela chose. A spiritual connection to their own fire greatly aided in the control of the blaze.

Fleur watched with disgusted fascination as the homunculus seemed to heal slightly while Pettigrew convulsed nearby, a patch on his arm burning through his shirt and flesh until the man fell still and skin regrew along the charred sections of the homunculus. Fleur scowled. The creature was _going_ to die. No one kidnapped Fleur Delacour and survived!

She kept tossing fireball after fireball on the horrid little thing. After about fifteen minutes it had stopped regenerating. Another two minutes saw an awful scream echoing through the gravestones and Fleur watched with her head cocked to the side as an eight foot large snake thrashed into the air for a moment before crumpling back to the grass with a dark, oozing spirit essence evacuating the corpse and evaporating into the air. She lobbed another few fireballs onto the self-proclaimed 'Lord Voldemort' for good measure. It took another five fireballs before _finally_ all movement ceased and Fleur was left staring at a crispy little homunculus and a dead, emaciated Peter Pettigrew. Shrugging Fleur bound the two together with a conjured rope and summoned the Cup.

* * *

Harry had been perfectly happy minding his own business, rooting for Fleur (Cedric had accused him of being lazy and a coward. How was he supposed to support the man after that?) when he heard screaming from the direction of the crowd. Frowning, Harry got off his chair and with drink in hand walked back outside. Moody was collapsed on the ground clutching his arm. His form shifted before Harry's eyes into someone he didn't recognize as the effects of a polyjuice potion wore off.

"Huh, well…so much for security then," Harry muttered blinking down at the still screaming man. He appeared to fold into himself slightly as the mark on his arm burned and drained him of all magic. More screams started up almost immediately. Harry twisted towards the stands and saw multiple people collapse in the same situation. First Crabbe Senior, then Goyle Senior, Nott Senior, Lucius Malfoy, several random people (including one woman who looked like a horrid pink toad), Karkaroff and – Harry noted with a bit of a happy smile – one Severus Snape. Dumbledore seemed to be frantically trying to save Snape but Harry didn't give him good odds.

Barely a minute or two after this Harry himself started screaming and fell to the ground clutching his head. His scar was burning and he could barely think through the agony. It felt like his brain itself was on fire! His world collapsed into pinpricks of light and pain.

Harry felt three sets of arms wrap around him and three sets of voices calling out for help as something in him _broke_. An instant later the pain vanished as a black ichory vapor burst from his scar followed by an inhuman scream. The blackness quickly vanished into thin air, dissipating into nothingness. Exhausted, Harry collapsed backwards into the arms of his wife and her Coven.

* * *

"You're telling me that demented baby thing was Voldemort," Harry asked his voice deadpan as he stared at the remains of the most feared Dark Lord in all of Britain.

"Yup," Shiva said. She had crawled into the hospital bed next to him and had an arm wrapped firmly around his waist. It was completely unnecessary, but he wasn't about to tell _her_ that. Not when it felt so good to be close to her.

"And I had a bit inside of me too?"

"That's what Dumbledore said," Shiva stated. Her eyes had narrowed and Harry was grateful her wand was on the table. He'd heard that tone of voice before and things tended to accidentally catch fire when she got that angry. They'd had to replace the couch twice already and the kitchen table three times.

Harry squeezed Shiva closer into his side and looked over to Aurora. "Sin, you said Fleur killed Voldemort?"

"Yes. Sep is working out the math right now, but the best guess is that he made several Horcruxes as well as altered the protean charm on the Dark Marks to be able to draw magic and life energy through it from his followers." Aurora shrugged and grimaced. "Honestly most of what she started to say flew right over my head. The important bits are that when Voldemort couldn't drain his people he instinctively tried to drain his Horcruxes instead. Each time Fleur roasted him he burned through another vessel."

Harry shook his head and rubbed his forehead. It was surprisingly smooth now. The scar was still there but it was no longer raised and had faded quite a bit. Sighing he turned to Fleur in the bed across from him. "I'm going to pretend I understood that and just say, 'thanks'. Oh and congrats on winning the Tournament by the way! You did great! Especially at the end. I probably would've been caught and had to have Hedwig rescue me."

Fleur snorted in laughter and rolled her eyes. "It was no problem 'arry. I was mostly just angry 'e had the arrogance to kidnap me. Veela women are quite prized as slaves to rich men you see. Now I am just happy to have inadvertently helped a friend while roasting ze perverted homunculus."

Shiva nodded. "That you most certainly did, Fleur. If you're interested, feel free to stop by our quarters when we all get out from here tomorrow and we can…thank you properly." Fleur's widening grin and questioning leer were returned with interest by both Shiva and Aurora.

Harry on the other hand flopped back down into his bed. He could barely keep up with the three Coven girls. How the heck was he supposed to last when a _Veela_ was tossed into the mix for a night?

* * *

 **October 31** **st** **1995**

" _That's_ who his 'girlfriend' is!?" Hermione shouted. Her lips curled into a snarl and her eyes narrowed to slits. Fred could only gulp and nod. Without Voldemort around, the year had been relatively quiet for Harry and his friends. Unfortunately that led to a whole different set of problems. Problems that Fred and George were now busy trying to avoid giving a pound of flesh over. Hermione had finally cornered them and discovered just who Harry always disappeared to over the past few years.

"Technically she's his _wife_ now," George grunted from beside his brother. Fred shot a betrayed glare at his twin before turning back to Hermione and holding his hands up in surrender as he backed up against the wall.

"Look, Hermione, they signed a contract by accident before he even started school. It's all cool now. He's good. She's good. Vector and Sinistra are good. It's all good."

"He is _fifteen_!" Hermione yelled louder as her wand spat sparks. "Stay right here until I get back and we can discuss what part you two played in this whole mess! I am going to find my friend and see if there is any way that I can help him fix this." Turning on her heel Hermione marched off down the corridor in search of Harry.

She wasn't against Harry having a relationship. Merlin knew, that boy deserved some happiness in his life. She wasn't blind either. Harry's persona and mood had noticeably improved last year despite the Tournament issues. Which made sense if Professor Babbling and her Coven had seduced Harry into their bedroom and…

Hermione's train of thought broke with a growl. It wasn't fair to Harry. He was so much younger than them. Though even the age thing wasn't _that_ bad…But they were teachers! But they were obviously treating him well…But they were hoarding all his cooking to themselves!

Hermione shook her head and sighed. Now she just sounded jealous even to herself. She took a few deep breaths and endeavored to calm down. Harry had never asked for help in his…betrothal…before. She'd talk to him calmly and see if he needed assistance now. If not, she would step back. She was his friend and he deserved her support no matter what, her personal feelings be damned.

It took an additional thirty minutes to find Harry after exhausting everything from the Astronomy Tower to the dungeons. Eventually she admitted defeat and spoke with one of the Covenmates. From there she was directed to a suite of rooms along the fifth floor that she'd never seen before; the professors' quarters apparently.

"They're in here, Miss Granger," Professor Vector said quietly as she led Hermione to a door with a plaque reading _Bathsheda Potter né_ _e_ _Babbling_. Hermione's stomach dropped at the sign. The twins hadn't been having her on after all. "Harry had a bit of a late night finishing that project for McGonagall though so I'm not sure if they're up yet. Give me a second to…oh never mind. Well they're not up."

"Yes, apparently not," Hermione murmured. As Professor Vector pushed the door open Hermione had a clear view of her friend. He was resting on the couch with his head against Professor Babbling's shoulder and one arm thrown haphazardly across her lap to clutch her hand. Babbling's head was in turn leaning on Harry's with her free arm wrapped around his shoulders drawing him into her. Both were obviously still sleeping and the calm, serene smiles on their faces melted Hermione's heart. "They're…beautiful together…"

"Yeah, that's my girl and my boy," Professor Vector stated with a warm note echoing through her proclamation. "Shiva's a completely different animal when she sleeps though. Heck you've seen her antics in the classroom I'm sure right, Miss Granger? Anyway, give me a sec and I'll wake them up."

"No, no it's okay. I…It's not important." Hermione sighed and smiled at her friend. He was obviously happy. That was all she wanted for him. She'd offer to give a second pair of eyes to look at his contract whenever he got back to the Common Room. Not that he would want it, but that's what friends were for.

At the very least she could always offer him a shoulder to rant on if his wife ever annoyed him.

* * *

 **July 31** **st** **, 1996**

Harry's birthday party saw nearly all of his friends in attendance this year. By now all of them knew about his unusual arrangement and situation so he didn't even have to hide his marriage to Shiva or the other two. Septima and Aurora were laughing along with Remus and Sirius at some of the Marauders old antics and Shiva herself was busy exchanging tips on something or other with Tonks. Harry had caught just enough of the conversation between his wife and distant cousin that he blushed every time he looked in their direction.

His fellow students were having a good time themselves. Ron and Hermione were busy trying to get Luna and Ginny to explain the intricacies of crumple-horned snorkack detection means while Neville chatted away with Tracey and Daphne. Susan and Hannah were busy attempting to figure out the Muggle telly – which was almost as much fun as watching an actual show.

"Harry, dear, you really don't need to cook at your own birthday party," Molly Weasley said with a sigh as she came up next to him while he flipped the meat in the pan.

"I know. But I _like_ to cook, Mrs. Weasley," Harry stated with a smile. He leaned over and turned off the flame on the rice letting it start cooling down as he sprayed some sauce into the other pot. "Can you taste the bouillabaisse, Mrs. Weasley? I think it needs a touch more pepper, but I could use a second opinion and I want to surprise Fleur and Gabrielle when they get here so I can't ask them."

"Oh course, dear." Molly took a nearby wooden spoon and carefully sipped from the pot. Her face lit up and she grinned at him. "Harry, this is delicious! I do think just a _touch_ more pepper would push it over into true divinity, but this is simply pure excellence already! It's such a shame that Ronald can't cook. Can you teach him dear?"

Harry shook his head. "I offered, but he wasn't interested."

"That boy badly needs to learn some work ethic," Molly harrumphed.

"Well you could always get him apprenticed to someone for this year to see if they can knock some sense into him a bit." Harry paused and smirked as a prank worthy of his father popped into his head. "I heard that Filch was looking for an assistant."

"Really? Hmm…I'll have to ask him then." Harry felt a chill run down his back. He hadn't actually expected Mrs. Weasley to take it seriously. Oh well, as long as Ron never found out who suggested it and let him or Shiva look over any potential contract everything would be fine. Probably. Molly, oblivious to Harry's inner thoughts continued on, "Would you mind terribly sharing the recipe for this by the way, Harry?"

"Of course. As long as you're willing to hand over the recipe to your meatloaf. Ron brought a slice in the other day and it was delicious. I've been hunting for a good meatloaf recipe for years now."

"Well," Molly said shrugging and nodding towards the stovetop. "It's really all in the amount of peppers and _when_ the peppers are added. You see…"

Hedwig flew into the room and alighted on her perch near the main table. She cocked her head to the side as she watched her human speak with the Loud One. Hedwig was not fond of the Loud One…but if the woman was willing to part with better food items for her human, the owl was willing to forgive many slights. She turned her head to the side again, curious to see how this would progress and whether there would be more dishes created utilizing bacon.

She twisted to look towards the Rainbow Girl and the Spunky Stone Player. Harry _still_ did not have children. Hedwig was growing increasingly impatient. Perhaps he needed further mates. Ones closer to his own age, but still old enough to bear offspring. Yes…yes, the Rainbow Girl with her multiple faces would do nicely. Spunky Stone Player liked her and she liked Harry. The ever changing hair was entertaining as well, even to the owl. Hedwig had already investigated her several weeks back and she knew that the Rainbow Girl signed _quite_ a bit of paperwork. It would be easy enough to get a contract signed with her.

The door to the flat opened and the two Veela females walked in smiling at all of the others present. The younger practically vibrated as she leapt to hug Hedwig's human and started babbling in French. Hedwig wasn't well versed in French yet though she was improving. _Coven of seven…more powerful…Mama said I could…send you…contract…turn sixteen…Only next year!_ Hedwig ruffled her wing and brushed the conversation off. If the younger Veela was already pursuing her own contract then Hedwig would leave her be. It would save the owl some work.

Besides the girl was too young to bear Harry children just yet.

Now the _older_ Veela on the other hand…Hedwig gave a brief bark of satisfaction as the older girl hugged Harry and kissed him on the cheek. The Spunky Stone Player grinned wide and laughed as the Night Viewer initiated conversation with the older Veela, the Fiery One. The happiness was evident on all three's faces.

Yes…yes, that would do nicely. Now Hedwig just need to figure out how to get the Fiery One to sign a contract. And how to get her human to sign _two_.

* * *

 **June 1998**

Harry's graduation from Hogwarts was a somewhat quiet affair. Quiet for him at least. He'd managed to avoid getting any of the women in the Coven pregnant before he left school, stopped Hedwig from stealing more of the truly _dangerous_ 'trophies', convinced Dumbledore he could finally retire and calmly answered reporters' questions on why he was looking forward to being a stay-at-home father soon. Hermione was graduating at the top of the class, Daphne placed second and Harry himself had pulled a very respectable third. Shiva, Sin and Sep had promised to reward him heartily for his hard work when they got home; Fleur, Tonks and Luna too at that.

How he'd managed to be tricked by his owl _yet again_ two years ago into signing _two_ more contracts he'd never understand. At least the one with Luna this past year had been Septima's fault instead of his. Though now he was faced with hearing Shiva continually complaining about badly needing to find their seventh Coven member before Beltane.

He should probably warn her soon that Gabrielle was likely going to set fire to anyone who they tried to induct. The younger Veela's last few notes kept hinting that she had a big surprise for him in a few days and that 'the rest of the Coven should be in attendance as well'. He was well and truly screwed…in almost every fashion of that phrase.

At least his had his chef career off to a good start if the Coven members were any indication.

Yes, besides his crazy love life, all was going well for Harry Potter.

* * *

Hedwig glared at her human as he accepted his document to leave school. His six mates were obviously not enough for him. She'd made sure he was intimate with them over three years ago and he still didn't have offspring?! If they didn't have his children soon…she'd have to see about whether that younger Veela female had completed her contract yet so that it could be advanced. Veela were fertile, the older one must just be a bad egg. Harry would have offspring soon. One way or another.


End file.
